Behind the Back Door

A Primer in Anal Play for the Enthusiast, the Curious, and especially the Inexperienced

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I love anal pleasure.

And I'm very accomplished. At giving, not just receiving.

Alas, among you civilians, there is so much needless drama surrounding anal. Finding a partner with both sufficient experience and an open mind. Anal pleasure is the most misunderstood activity of adult relations. Not least of all because its the least-practiced.

When I first began to explore my transitioning body, anal was one of the most wonderful and unexpected discoveries. I learned a great deal, and continued both my practice and study. This is what I bring to our encounters.

The general public gives anal a bad rap because too many people simply don't know what they're doing. Or haven't even tried.

While anal pleasure has been around at least as long as genital sex, modern western society has stigmatized it to such a degree that any serious discussion first involves clearing away the falsehoods.


"Enjoying anal means you're gay."

Wrong. A significant number of married and other hetero couples enjoy it, too. I've enjoyed anal relations with many female partners. If you hear women saying "he always wants anal, so he must be gay", the subtext here is actually "I have hang-ups about anal, and feel threatened & frustrated that men want it from me". Anal is just another sexual practice. That's all it is.

"Anal sex is always painful."

Also wrong. In fact, the anal-rectal region has more pleasure receptors than your genitals!  If it hurts, you're just doing it wrong.  Because its not vaginal sex, different rules apply. Also, since we've been told anything back there is bad, we need to re-learn those natural sensations, as they were before we "shut 'em down" during potty training.

"The best anal sex is rough"

You've got to be kidding, right? Many straight men harbor this wild fantasy about being "taken" by a trans-woman. Because they have "sub" feelings, being turned-on by putting their partner in control, being virtually raped sounds exciting.


Too many people simply don't know what they're doing. Or haven't even tried.

This is a prime example of fantasy having nothing to do with reality. Anal pleasure requires relaxation, time, lots of lube, a sensitive touch, and incredible cooperation between partners. Forced, fast, and rough has nothing to do with anal pleasure. For advice on pain, please go elsewhere.

"Its all about the prostate"

No, anal pleasure is not your family physician's digital rectal exam, and finding your prostate is not your partner's Holy Grail. The prostate is not a magic G-spot for all men. If yours is enlarged or enflamed, contact can actually be very painful. For some men, it heightens pleasure. But for all men, always, no.

"Bigger cocks are better for anal."

Actually, the reverse is usually true. A wide cock stresses both of the anal sphincters (yes, you have two) and a long toy or penis usually ends up whacking that first big bend in your sigmoid colon, causing pain and possibly injury. An experienced bottom (receiver) can eventually learn to maximize the pleasure and minimize the discomfort from a large cock, but few of us seek one for anal.

"Its no big deal to mix anal with genital and oral play."

Another fallacy perpetrated by the porn industry, whose performers seem to move indiscriminately between oral, genital, and anal activity without cleaning themselves first. Bacteria from the rectum cause infections everywhere else. Its that simple. I love anal play. But our date, its going to be the last chapter for us, not the warm-up.


The back door is not like the front door. Throw away your rulebook for vaginal sex, and keep an open mind. These guidelines are a good start.

#1 You cannot use too much lube.

Vaginas make their own lubrication, but the anus and rectum do not. You need plentiful amounts of a lubricating product close at hand. Water based, petroleum based, or vegetable oils. When in doubt, use more. Replenish frequently.

#2 Once entering the back door, the front door is off limits.

The bacteria necessary to digest your food cause infections everywhere else. The rest is common sense.

#3 Anal pleasure demands a sensitive, cooperative connection between partners.

This is an area of high sensitivity. Close, careful attention helps prevent problems and maximize good vibes. Banging away absent-mindedly and hoping for the best yields very poor results.


The anal-rectal region has more pleasure receptors than your genitals

Anal is about taking it easy, allowing the receiver to process such new and varied pleasure. No partner has ever complained about my going too slow.

#4 Significant pleasure comes from no penetration at all.

That's right. The anal sphincter is extremely sensitive. Lightly caressed, licked or gently pressed upon with lots of lube, it can be so pleasurable as to actually accelerate the receiver's orgasm.

#5 Anal is more about width, and not depth of penetration.

Men are so hung up on the easier-to-quantify measurement of length, when in fact, its often a detriment. For the receiver, pressure against the inside of the rectal wall is what feels good, not your poking deep into the digestive tract. So its width that matters.


I've noticed how novices like to shop big

The tricky part is, that same width can stress the anal sphincters. One good solution involves special toys that inflate once inserted. Another involves clever use of the hand, spreading the fingers once inside the rectal cavity.

Note: width also creates most of the pleasure for clitoral and vaginal sex, too ... a fact most men seem eager determined to ignore.


Anal is more than just "butt sex", or "topping". It encompasses rimming, fingering, fisting, and toying. So I am very specific about what I give and receive.

What Juliette Receives

Nothing likely to put health at risk. Rimming involves mouth to anus, so no go. Fingering or fisting I perform with glove or finger cot. Intercourse with condom only. These precautions are as much for your protection as mine.

Again, receiving, anything that goes in me is covered. Finger, your dick, etc.

If you want to rim me, that's fine but we will not kiss afterwards. Period. Honestly, because of health concerns, I enjoy this much less than covered fingering or intercourse.

What Juliette Gives

Fingering is my specialty. I am the Sensei, and Grand Mistress. Simultaneous oral, is the best. Your entire awareness will pelvic. Its amazing. Impossible to describe.

But if your curiosity exceeds your results, we stop. Some men just can't get into it, and that's fine.

For those ready for larger things, I have a variety of toys. These are covered with a condom. And of course, you may bring your own. I've noticed how novices like to shop big. Shop smart instead.

Fisting involves the insertion of multiple fingers. Its wonderful but only for the experienced, or those rare persons who release and relax on our first go. Otherwise, I'm not into giving pain and we won't fist until I feel you're ready.


Though often maligned, anal sex has enormous potential with the right partner. To sum up:

  • This is an act of extreme intimacy, not violence. It requires time, trust, and expertise.

  • Hands or small toys are usually better than cocks. They're more sensitive, precise, and oral can be performed simultaneously.

  • Hygiene is everything.

Now, get yer butt over here, and let's start having some fun!